Dating-Love-Relationships.com ~ Steve Nakamoto's Blog

Over the weekend, I received some dating/love questions from a young woman in Australia. I thought that some of the issues would be of value to many of those who read my works. It’s always fun and challenging for me to come up with fresh takes on things that I understand on a deeper level.

I hope that my comments are helpful in raising your awareness around these important topics concerning dating, love, and romantic relationships.

Question 1: When should a women draw the line between not settling for a particular man or love situation and not having too high of expectations? And how is this even more difficult when a woman has been single for a long time?

Steve’s comment: A wise person gauges whether it feels right and is good for both people. There is also a mysterious bonus quality where it feels like the Gods are smiling down on both of you and approving it all. Also, don’t let time be a factor where it puts undo pressure on you. The decision on going forward in a romantic love relationship must be entirely free of any time pressure. Love does not respond well to “push.” And “not settling” is when a person is fear-motivated instead of desire-inspired. Always go with the pure intention of desire and not by the twisted negative motivations of fear, doubt, and worry.

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Question 2: How about when a woman is comparing two types of men? Let’s say there is one who is business savvy, wealthy, and driven and the other is perhaps a tradesman with a great personality, easygoing, and simple. What things should a woman consider in order to make the right choice for her future love life and not just for the moment?

Steve’s comment: You would go with the one who truly loves you. It would be the person who resonates stronger with you. It would the one who doesn’t want to change you and loves you as you are. The clue would be the one who listens to you most closely. It would also be the person who you are more at ease with when nothing is going on….in the quiet spaces where souls connect. So you want to go with the stronger love connection as well as the person who is a better values and lifestyle match. So the “values and lifestyle match” is determined by who you are as much as it is the man.

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Question 3: Every woman has the ideal man mapped out in their head. Therefore, what are three key things a woman should do in order to get exactly what she wants?

Steve’s comment:  1) Become the person that this ideal man would truly like, admire, respect, adore, desire, and love, 2) Associate with the kind of people that this type of man would love to associate with, 3) Do the kind of activities that this ideal man would love to do.

Realize that opportunities will come through other people. Love opportunities don’t come directly to you or through direct efforts. Opportunities come to you as side-effects of other intentions and worthwhile activities. That’s why many people often remark about what a surprise love encounters seem to be. In addition, these opportunities for love may be disguised as failure or temporary defeat. So never get thrown into negativity when the chance for love may be close at hand.

When it comes to getting what you want, always remember that the greatest motivating principle in love and life is “the impression of increase.” A man or woman must embody the impression of increase where they instantly and convincingly get perceived as a person who makes another person’s life significantly better. That’s why negativity (the vibration of negative emotions like fear, doubt, worry, insecurity, envy, jealousy, hate, anger, etc.) in any form will scare away love opportunities. As I wrote in my book, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man: Angry anglers catch no fish! All people want to live a better life and you’re the one who can easily do it for them.

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Question 4: What are the common character traits of a woman who is in fact in a happy, satisfying relationship with the type of man she’s always wanted?”

Steve’s comment: Here are a few of the character traits that result when a woman has a consistently elevated emotional make-up that is based on a valued-based romantic love relationship:

Grateful for the love that she’s received –

Enthusiastic about the future –

Cheerful about daily life –

Generous & Giving of the love that fills her heart to overflow –

Peaceful & blessed with the knowing that life is great…..and that God has been kind.

Last week I was asked to appear on the NBC Today Show for a special segment on love relationships. I told them that I lived in Los Angeles and couldn’t make it to New York on only one day’s notice. They assumed that I lived in New York because of my affiliation with their subsidiary, iVillage.com, as the Mr. Answer Man relationship expert.

Before hanging up with the assistant producer, Sabrina, I asked her what they wanted to talk to me about for the show. She said that they wanted me to comment on why so many celebrity couples were having problems in their relationships (Example: Tiger Woods, presidential candidate John Edwards, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, etc.).

So I thought it over for a few days and came up with a quick answer that I would have shared on The Today Show segment (Note: You sometimes only get 30-45 seconds on a nationally-televised news show to respond).

My response to the question, “What are the biggest mistakes that couples make in their love relationships?” is as follows:

First, couples create most of their problems by consistent neglect. They neglect to say the following phrases every day whenever appropriate:

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please forgive me.”

“I love you.”

And so these couples drifted apart and lose their positive connection.

Secondly, since every person has a built-in need to improve their lives, they say things that the other person interprets as criticism when it’s just natural to want more out of life. But it’s the build-up of criticism that eats away at the love and romance in relationships.

This is what happens when criticism or complaining about the other person becomes a regular pattern:

When the man hears criticism, it affects his ego and he gets mad or frustrated.

When the woman hears criticism, it affects her sense of self-worth and she feels hurt or sad.

Understanding this key difference will help couples anticipate their partner’s reaction and stop their own behaviors which trigger these negative responses.

THE BOTTOM LINE

People don’t need advice about their relationships. They only need to raise their awareness of natural behavior and consistently do what makes things better and stop doing whatever causes damage especially criticism and complaining.