Dating-Love-Relationships.com ~ Steve Nakamoto's Blog

I just got back from a 7-day business networking event in Las Vegas. One of the features of this event was a chance to eat meals and share ideas in round tables of 10 with other participants. With over 400 hundred people crammed into one dining room, you can imagine how high the noise level got at times. This made it very challenging for many people to communicate effectively in this noisy environment.

Luckily for me, I knew of one strategy that made me stand out in a favorable way at the tables where I dined. The strategy I employed was to be more animated than usual with exaggerated facial expressions, body movements, eye contact, and hand gestures.

I became aware of this strategy many years ago when I served as a trainer for motivational expert Tony Robbins. I was attending a “thank you” dinner following one of his 7-day Life Mastery Trainings at the Planet Hollywood Restaurant in Cancun, Mexico. This place had a loud party atmosphere with rock music going on all the time. But this didn’t detour Tony from giving an effective speech to 60 of us trainers who were having dinner with him. He used his hands as a megaphone and spoke in simple terms with exaggerated expressions, movements, and gestures. While those of us in his audience may have not have heard every word spoken, we all got the essence of Tony’s message loud and clear.

The task of talking in a noisy environment is similar to changing your clothes in a small car. If you can change your clothes in the tiny cramped space of your car, then you can change your clothes almost anywhere. The same holds true when it comes to talking in a noisy environment. If you can do this effectively, then you can communicate well under other less challenging environments as well.

THE BOTTOM LINE

When you are faced with trying to speak in a noisy environment, be sure to use more body language in the form of animated facial expressions, body movements, eye contact, and hand gestures. This simple awareness on your part will make it much easier for you to get your message across to your hearing-challenged audiences.

Last weekend I attended my neighbor’s backyard BBQ with about a dozen other people. For about an hour, we enjoyed drinks and snacks while my neighbor, Rick, cooked chicken and burgers on his outdoor grill. When Rick was finished cooking, we all sat down to dinner and had some interesting rounds of conversations.

We were all about the same age, give or take 5 years, with an even number of men and women. The conversation went from rock music of the 1960s, favorite television shows and movies, restaurants we like to go to, and, even how we voted in the last Presidential election.

Normally, a conversation with a close friend on these topics would go along smoothly without much disagreement. But in front of 10-12 people who don’t know each other very well, conversations can easily veer off course into more heated, alcohol-induced debates.

One woman in particular made it her priority to question me on my likes and dislikes in the subject matter that we covered. First, it was “How could you like the Beatles so much?” and then it was “Why would you waste your time watching Seinfeld?” After a while, I started getting beyond the emotional state of “annoyed” and into that embarrassing level of intensity called “angry.”

Fortunately, I had the need to excuse myself from the conversation and go to the bathroom after so many beers. That trip to the bathroom offered me a nice chance to cool down my anger and regain my perspective. After all, we were all there to have fun and enjoy each other’s company.

When I returned to the conversation outside at the BBQ, I noticed that everyone was laughing and having a great time in my absence. It was a good thing that I didn’t let my anger spill over into condescending remarks and verbal attacks on the woman who questioned my tastes. I realized that my importance in the conversation and my need to be right were of little value to the overall success of the social get-together.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Know ahead of time that it is wise to excuse yourself from social situations that become too annoying for you. The time you spend away from uncomfortable conversations lets you refocus your energy and avoid any negative reactions on your part. For example, you can easily plan your escape from a bad conversation by excusing yourself to go to the restroom or to return an important or timely cell phone call to a close friend, family member, or key business associate. In most cases, the other people won’t even notice your absence and you can return to the conversation refreshed and more resilient.

Last month I attended a business networking event where I got to meet over 500 people in an 8-day period. This event was brilliantly designed to make interactions with others easy and fun to do.

One exercise that we did was to get into small groups of four and practice giving our business pitches to one another. This small group setting helped people build self-confidence in shaping and presenting their business ideas.

When it was my opportunity to present, I was especially encouraged by listeners who nodded in agreement or approval as I spoke. That simple gesture on the listener’s part did a lot to help me feel better my speaking and the ideas that I was presenting. As a result, I started nodding in agreement or approval whenever other people spoke as well.

In a previous article, I mentioned how smiling when you speak is an effective way to talk. In a similar way, nodding while you listen is a good way of becoming a better audience when you’re on the receiving end of a conversation.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Giving positive non-verbal feedback in the form of nodding while you listen can do wonders for your overall interactions with others. It reinforces a core relationship principle of making other people feel more important. Use this simple gesture in its appropriate frequency as a way of building stronger personal and professional relationships one conversation at a time.

This weekend I attended a business marketing seminar near my home in Los Angeles. This seminar featured a lineup of relatively unknown up-and-coming thought leaders and experts who were there to share ideas as well as promote their products and services.

One of the speakers was a successful business woman who had a theater background from performing and directing on Broadway. She communicated to the audience in a powerful and lively style which had, in my opinion, one glaring weakness: the overuse of foul language.

I created the list below while I was taking notes at the seminar. In about 90 minutes, this speaker used the following assortment of cuss words in which I came up with cleaner alternatives:

(Cuss Words = Clean Words)

?!@#$%as%hole?!@#$% = A-hole
?!@#$%fu%k?!@#$% = fudge or the “F” bomb
?!@#$%give a sh%t?!@#$% = give a hoot or give a darn
?!@#$%fu%k you?!@#$% = F.U.
?!@#$%fu%king?!@#$% = freaking
?!@#$%bulls%it?!@#$% = B.S.
?!@#$%damn?!@#$% = darn
?!@#$%son of a bit%h?!@#$% = S.O.B.
?!@#$%crap?!@#$% = crud
?!@#$%motherfu%ker?!@#$% = mother or MFer
?!@#$%pissed off?!@#$% = P.O.ed
?!@#$%hell yes!@#$% = heck yes
?!@#$%bit%h!@#$% = the “B” word or beeosh

The fact is that certain cuss words and phrases do create high-impact shock value in a person’s communication when used appropriately. But that value must be carefully weighed against the negative impact of poor taste and how much it offends a particular audience.

For example, as a regular listener to sports talk shows on the radio, I’m fully aware of how important it is for hosts of these shows to relate in the same language as their largely young male audiences. But at the same time, the FCC censors the use of certain words from being said on the radio to protect the general audience and younger audiences in particular.

As a smart communicator, you should strongly consider reducing or eliminating the regular use of offensive foul language in your conversations with general audiences. What you might gain in shock value from the use of profanity is most likely outweighed by the negative effects of poor taste. Be smart by saving your “bar language” for the local tavern. Use your cleaner language, for making more favorable impressions with the general public.

THE BOTTOM LINE

There is a time and place for everything and no truer words have ever been spoken when it comes to the overuse of foul language. The smarter course of action is to begin eliminating dirty words and phrases and substituting cleaner language with similar meanings in your everyday language. Like a sports talk show host, you will be able to retain the flavor of your message without the crudeness and offensiveness of distasteful foul language.

Over the weekend, I received some dating/love questions from a young woman in Australia. I thought that some of the issues would be of value to many of those who read my works. It’s always fun and challenging for me to come up with fresh takes on things that I understand on a deeper level.

I hope that my comments are helpful in raising your awareness around these important topics concerning dating, love, and romantic relationships.

Question 1: When should a women draw the line between not settling for a particular man or love situation and not having too high of expectations? And how is this even more difficult when a woman has been single for a long time?

Steve’s comment: A wise person gauges whether it feels right and is good for both people. There is also a mysterious bonus quality where it feels like the Gods are smiling down on both of you and approving it all. Also, don’t let time be a factor where it puts undo pressure on you. The decision on going forward in a romantic love relationship must be entirely free of any time pressure. Love does not respond well to “push.” And “not settling” is when a person is fear-motivated instead of desire-inspired. Always go with the pure intention of desire and not by the twisted negative motivations of fear, doubt, and worry.

——————

Question 2: How about when a woman is comparing two types of men? Let’s say there is one who is business savvy, wealthy, and driven and the other is perhaps a tradesman with a great personality, easygoing, and simple. What things should a woman consider in order to make the right choice for her future love life and not just for the moment?

Steve’s comment: You would go with the one who truly loves you. It would be the person who resonates stronger with you. It would the one who doesn’t want to change you and loves you as you are. The clue would be the one who listens to you most closely. It would also be the person who you are more at ease with when nothing is going on….in the quiet spaces where souls connect. So you want to go with the stronger love connection as well as the person who is a better values and lifestyle match. So the “values and lifestyle match” is determined by who you are as much as it is the man.

——————

Question 3: Every woman has the ideal man mapped out in their head. Therefore, what are three key things a woman should do in order to get exactly what she wants?

Steve’s comment:  1) Become the person that this ideal man would truly like, admire, respect, adore, desire, and love, 2) Associate with the kind of people that this type of man would love to associate with, 3) Do the kind of activities that this ideal man would love to do.

Realize that opportunities will come through other people. Love opportunities don’t come directly to you or through direct efforts. Opportunities come to you as side-effects of other intentions and worthwhile activities. That’s why many people often remark about what a surprise love encounters seem to be. In addition, these opportunities for love may be disguised as failure or temporary defeat. So never get thrown into negativity when the chance for love may be close at hand.

When it comes to getting what you want, always remember that the greatest motivating principle in love and life is “the impression of increase.” A man or woman must embody the impression of increase where they instantly and convincingly get perceived as a person who makes another person’s life significantly better. That’s why negativity (the vibration of negative emotions like fear, doubt, worry, insecurity, envy, jealousy, hate, anger, etc.) in any form will scare away love opportunities. As I wrote in my book, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man: Angry anglers catch no fish! All people want to live a better life and you’re the one who can easily do it for them.

——————

Question 4: What are the common character traits of a woman who is in fact in a happy, satisfying relationship with the type of man she’s always wanted?”

Steve’s comment: Here are a few of the character traits that result when a woman has a consistently elevated emotional make-up that is based on a valued-based romantic love relationship:

Grateful for the love that she’s received –

Enthusiastic about the future –

Cheerful about daily life –

Generous & Giving of the love that fills her heart to overflow –

Peaceful & blessed with the knowing that life is great…..and that God has been kind.

This past spring I led a group of 39 senior citizens on a 7-day sightseeing tour to our nation’s capital, Washington D.C. “The District,” as it is commonly known, is a great place to visit especially in the springtime when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom.

Our 7 day trip was packed with many interesting activities including: a scenic lunch cruise on the Potomac River, a guided tour of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, a walking tour of the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, an evening illumination tour of all Washington’s monuments and memorials, a seafood dinner with crabcakes in a trendy Georgetown restaurant, and a visit to the battlefields of Gettysburg, to name a few.

At the end of our seven days together, I handed out an evaluation form to all of the passengers where they had an opportunity to rate the various aspects of the tour. Some of those aspects included: airline service, quality of the hotels, choice of restaurants, variety of attractions, and overall design of the tour, as well as the performances of the tour director and motorcoach driver.

On this particular trip, I received 38 very good-to-excellent reports on my performance as the tour director. Unfortunately, one dissatisfied tour client wrote on their evaluation form, “Steve Nakamoto likes to talk about himself too much. There were just too many I’s and me’s whenever he spoke to us.”

At first I was ticked off by this person’s evaluation and thought it was unfair to me considering all the things that I do for passengers on my tour. But this passenger did me a valuable service by reminding me of the delicate balance between sharing relevant personal experiences and not talking in terms of the other person’s interests.

The truth about human nature is that people will respond favorably to the words “you,” “we,” and “us.” On the other hand, many folks will soon tire of a speaker who refers to themselves by saying “I” and “me” too often.

In the future, I will remember to speak more in terms of the other person and keep my own personal references to the minimum. In addition, I will apologize in advance for sounding like I’m talking about myself too much. And if I do find myself telling a personal story I’ll also mention that I’m only doing so only for the benefit of the listener and not to draw unnecessary attention to myself.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Learn to talk in terms of the other person rather than in terms of yourself. You can do this quickly and easily by using the words “you”, “we”, and “us” in far greater abundance than the words “I” and “me.” By doing so, you’ll prevent your listeners from getting the negative impression that your communication is solely for your own entertainment.

Here’s an interview that I did on April 18th with Lucia “The Cougar Expert” on LA Talk Radio. This is how she promoted the interview:

How can you tell when a man is in love with you? What is the difference between chemistry and infatuation? How can you become an irresistible woman? Find out in this upbeat interview with Steve Nakamoto, former personal development trainer for Tony Robbins and author of, “Dating Rocks: The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love”.

Click here to listen to the interview now!

Last week I received an email from a woman wanting some male perspective on an all-too-common problem for physically attractive women who meet high-profile men. Her story went like this:

“I began dating a gorgeous guy about 3 months ago and things started out wonderfully. We would go on dates and have a great time laughing and talking. Somehow, though, the relationship sort of turned into middle of the night booty calls and now I find myself in the midst of a full on sexual relationship with no substance. He never calls, we never date and there’s no friendship. He just calls for sex and then is off on his merry way. Is there some way to salvage this relationship and get him to like me for more than just sex?”

Here’s my reply to this woman’s challenge:

If he never calls, never ask you out for a date, and there is no friendship, then you don’t really have a mutually-fulfilling love relationship.

What you do have is a limited part-time sex-only relationship. Maybe this indicates that you have very little in common and don’t resonate very well on an every day conversational basis.

My guess is that he does not get the “impression of increase” from you. What that means is that his life doesn’t feel significantly better by spending significant quality time with you. He only sees value for him by spending small doses of time doing a high-intensity self-indulgent activity like sex with you. This, of course, is not a soul-connecting enriching experience of love. It is just a simple thrill that will probably be short-lived and limited in value.

Right now, he has the upper hand in that he controls the situation in the way that suits him best. You probably don’t offer any kind of resistance to his wishes so that he mistakenly believes that it works just as well for you.

The only way for this to change is if you gain the upper hand from time to time. That comes from having just as much or more to offer than he does. Then you must be able to boldly say “no” or walk away from the situation without any pain, fear of loss or negativity.

If you can create an emotional shift in him, then your relationship can change over the short-term. Saying “no” and being able to walk away can present a sort of challenge to him and he may want to win you over again. But if you can’t create an emotional shift, then nothing is likely to change and love will not progress or grow.

However, if you want to create a deeper love connection with a man like this who gets plenty of attention and has his emotional need for significance already filled, then you must embody something that he can’t get. (Note: This may take an entire seminar in itself to explain) In a nutshell, it’s about being the kind of woman who is a unique source of joy, beauty, wisdom, and peace in any kind of situation.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Being a feisty “hottie” is a great way to attract desirable men. But in order to create a lasting desire in men, an enlightened woman must also embody the character traits of a “Sweetie,” “Pal,” and “Person” of unique value.

I recently received the following message from a man about a big challenge that he’s facing in his relationship:

“My girlfriend of 5 years revealed that she cheated on me with a guy she works with but begged me to forgive her. She even changed jobs to assure me that it would never happen again and that she would do anything for me not to leave her. I told her I would try and stayed. The thing is, every little thing she does now gets on my nerves and it’s becoming clear that I’m starting to build resentment towards her. Is there any way to forgive her and move on from this without going into some sort of therapy?”

Here was my reply:

You can choose to see this as a test of strength in your relationship. Is your love for each other greater than the negativity cause by an act of infidelity?

If you both will move forward and put all of your energy on your love for each other, then your relationship can grow in a healthy manner.

If either of you chooses to remain in the past by holding resentment on your part or by lapsing into guilt on her part, then the negativity will continue to resurface and prevent your love from succeeding.

On her part, she has asked for forgiveness, changed jobs, and has shown remorse. If she can move forward, put her mistake behind her, and resist negativity in all of its forms (sadness, guilt, fear of loss, hurt), then she will have done all that she could possibly do. And if her intention is motivated by love and not just security, then she will be doing so for all the right reasons.

On your part, you’ve got to figure out why “every little thing gets on your nerves.” Are you focusing on the negative and are you not counting your blessings?” Remember, that resentment is more your problem than hers. It’s a form of negativity that is eating away at you and something that you’ve got to move past.

As far as therapy goes, there are many techniques to change emotional patterns such as scrambling images or collapsing negative anchors to name a few. But the healthiest and most enlightened way to overcome this obstacle is to rise to the challenge and consistently focus your energy on love, forgiveness, honesty, and gratitude. These are the timeless solutions to every relationship problem.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Forgiveness requires emotional maturity and clear accurate thinking in order to move forward and put energy back into a love relationship. But this challenge is perhaps the only healthy way to resolve issues around infidelity.

Here’s a list of important talking points that I created in preparation for a sales training meeting that I’m conducting next week.

While traditional businesses may be slow to embrace the principles of ”The Law of Attraction,” enlightened peak performance individuals are more than eager to gain greater understanding on how the world works – especially the challenging world of selling.

• Thoughts are things. They are the smallest vibration of matter.

• The vibration that you send out to the world is made up with the sum of your thoughts, images, emotions, and actions.

• Thoughts and images are amplified by your emotions. (by a factor of 1000+)

• Your emotions create the most powerful factor in your vibration.

• What you think and how you feel about something will either attract what you want or what you don’t want – whichever is strongest.

• You attract your greatest desires or your most real fears.

• Real fears are the ones that consistently show up. Real fears are automatic.

• If left unchecked and undisciplined, fear will win out over desire.

• The secret to getting what you want is to fall in love with whatever you desire.

• Your subconscious mind will automatically do what it loves to do.

• Love, desire, courage, and a sense of purpose combine to overrule fear.

• The Universe/Divine sends back to you what you desire in the form of an opportunity. It does not give you the things you want directly.

• The opportunity is disguised as failure, misfortune, temporary defeat, or something that you don’t want. That is why so many people fail to recognize opportunity when it is presented.

• Opportunities originate from the Divine but come through other people. The Divine is the ultimate source, but it is passed on to you through other human beings.

• The opportunity requires you to step up, be uncomfortable, and take action.

• When you attract an opportunity it will always require that you make a decision to give up something of a lower nature to embrace something of a higher nature (ie: what you have attracted will cost you either time, energy, money, control, comfort).

• Fear in the form of indecision, doubt or worry stop you from taking action.

• You must step through the experience by taking action in order to move closer to your desire.

• From this higher place of experience, you’ll be presented with new opportunities or challenges that require you to step up and take more action in order to move you closer to what you desire.

• Like golf, success is a process of moving closer to your objective until you are in range to strike with precision.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Learn, study, practice, and implement the lessons for “The Law of Attraction” in your business so that you can be in the natural flow of abundance, success, and peace of mind.