Dating-Love-Relationships.com ~ Steve Nakamoto's Blog

Last week I was asked to appear on the NBC Today Show for a special segment on love relationships. I told them that I lived in Los Angeles and couldn’t make it to New York on only one day’s notice. They assumed that I lived in New York because of my affiliation with their subsidiary, iVillage.com, as the Mr. Answer Man relationship expert.

Before hanging up with the assistant producer, Sabrina, I asked her what they wanted to talk to me about for the show. She said that they wanted me to comment on why so many celebrity couples were having problems in their relationships (Example: Tiger Woods, presidential candidate John Edwards, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, etc.).

So I thought it over for a few days and came up with a quick answer that I would have shared on The Today Show segment (Note: You sometimes only get 30-45 seconds on a nationally-televised news show to respond).

My response to the question, “What are the biggest mistakes that couples make in their love relationships?” is as follows:

First, couples create most of their problems by consistent neglect. They neglect to say the following phrases every day whenever appropriate:

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please forgive me.”

“I love you.”

And so these couples drifted apart and lose their positive connection.

Secondly, since every person has a built-in need to improve their lives, they say things that the other person interprets as criticism when it’s just natural to want more out of life. But it’s the build-up of criticism that eats away at the love and romance in relationships.

This is what happens when criticism or complaining about the other person becomes a regular pattern:

When the man hears criticism, it affects his ego and he gets mad or frustrated.

When the woman hears criticism, it affects her sense of self-worth and she feels hurt or sad.

Understanding this key difference will help couples anticipate their partner’s reaction and stop their own behaviors which trigger these negative responses.

THE BOTTOM LINE

People don’t need advice about their relationships. They only need to raise their awareness of natural behavior and consistently do what makes things better and stop doing whatever causes damage especially criticism and complaining.