HOW CAN A MAN FORGIVE A WOMAN FOR CHEATING ON HIM?
I recently received the following message from a man about a big challenge that he’s facing in his relationship:
“My girlfriend of 5 years revealed that she cheated on me with a guy she works with but begged me to forgive her. She even changed jobs to assure me that it would never happen again and that she would do anything for me not to leave her. I told her I would try and stayed. The thing is, every little thing she does now gets on my nerves and it’s becoming clear that I’m starting to build resentment towards her. Is there any way to forgive her and move on from this without going into some sort of therapy?”
Here was my reply:
You can choose to see this as a test of strength in your relationship. Is your love for each other greater than the negativity cause by an act of infidelity?
If you both will move forward and put all of your energy on your love for each other, then your relationship can grow in a healthy manner.
If either of you chooses to remain in the past by holding resentment on your part or by lapsing into guilt on her part, then the negativity will continue to resurface and prevent your love from succeeding.
On her part, she has asked for forgiveness, changed jobs, and has shown remorse. If she can move forward, put her mistake behind her, and resist negativity in all of its forms (sadness, guilt, fear of loss, hurt), then she will have done all that she could possibly do. And if her intention is motivated by love and not just security, then she will be doing so for all the right reasons.
On your part, you’ve got to figure out why “every little thing gets on your nerves.” Are you focusing on the negative and are you not counting your blessings?” Remember, that resentment is more your problem than hers. It’s a form of negativity that is eating away at you and something that you’ve got to move past.
As far as therapy goes, there are many techniques to change emotional patterns such as scrambling images or collapsing negative anchors to name a few. But the healthiest and most enlightened way to overcome this obstacle is to rise to the challenge and consistently focus your energy on love, forgiveness, honesty, and gratitude. These are the timeless solutions to every relationship problem.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Forgiveness requires emotional maturity and clear accurate thinking in order to move forward and put energy back into a love relationship. But this challenge is perhaps the only healthy way to resolve issues around infidelity.
Thanks for you reply. I learned 4 great statements that help define what kind of person you are becoming. These lines will help guide you so practice them whenever appropriate:
1- I love you
2- Please forgive me
3- I’m sorry
4- Thank you
I want to start blogging too, what do you think, which blog platform is good for beginner?
I think that GoDaddy has a beginner level blog site. Also there is blogger.com which is tied to Google. Those are easy ones. But they all seem hard at first to some.
good luck. How did you hear about me? Thanks Steve